Jesus Christ Changed My Life

I am 21 years old. I am a simple man. About as simple as they come. I have always been somewhat in tune with spiritual things. From music to nature to relationships. I have always felt in tune with my surroundings and emotions. I grew up in a family who lived and taught the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ the best we could. We weren't the perfect family but then again there isn't really a perfect family. At a very young age I can remember sitting in my room and just feeling that I had a purpose in this life and just knowing that I was from God. I remember when I was 8 years old being baptized and knowing that Jesus Christ was real. I remember seeing my older brother leave for a mission. I remember wanting to be just like him and I looked up to him so much for that decision.
Throughout the years trials and problems came. My parents made the decision to split up when I was 12 years old. At this point the gospel was almost vacant in my home for the problems of life became more of a focus than the gospel. I refused to let anybody know that I was hurt or effected by the divorce of my parents although deep down I obviously was. Years went by and I got used to the new way of life. The gospel became less of a priority in my life until it was literally vacant in my life. I as a teenager didn't see the need or want for "Religion" in my life. I began to develop worldly views about certain things and very rarely thought about my own relationship with God if there even was one. All around me in my extended family, friends and acquaintances I saw families who looked so happy. They were in the church and lived the gospel in their homes. I hardened my heart and developed a cynical mind toward those people and even to a degree toward who I once thought was God. I didn't understand why I couldn't have that. All through High school I felt this way. I was envious and embarrassed about my circumstances. I never felt good enough. I was bitter and turned to other things in my life.
When I graduated High school life changed a little bit for me. I had a few very good friends leave on missions. I respected their decisions but felt that It wasn't for me and I didn't think that was a very smart thing to be doing at that point in our lives. My circle of friends began to change. Some relationships in my life were ruined because of choices I was making. Each and every night when I went to bed I felt empty and fearful. I felt alone and I was filled with scared thoughts about my future and about the way I was living. I felt pure regret each and everyday about things I was doing and I was in pain in my heart. I hit a rock bottom in my life. Relationships were ruined. Morals and standards I once had were then compromised to fit the worlds views. I was resorting to things to clear my mind temporarily that never really gave me any lasting feelings of peace or happiness, They only delayed those feelings. I dropped out of my first couple years of college. I was caught up in material things and never thought I was good enough. I compared myself to others in order to feel like I was something. I even put my life at risk along with others because of my decisions.
I remember a couple of nights where I couldn't sleep. I felt some of the most negative feelings of my life. For the first time in many years I turned to God for help. I remember getting on my knees and praying to help me feel peace and to help free me of these negative thoughts and burdens. A couple days later I was Christmas shopping and found myself going into a Deseret Book. I began looking at the CTR rings. Next thing I knew for some reason I was buying a ring. I felt a little more self respect as I wore that ring. A few days later I was reading and learning about the earthquakes and all the devastation in Haiti. It broke my heart to see many people suffering from the Chaos. I felt embarrassed and selfish as I sat in the office chair at work, on a computer, while all of these people were suffering. I knew at that moment that I wanted to do something more than what I was doing in my life. I didn't know quite what that was yet..
I started going back to church after Christmas of 2009. I bought myself a suit and attended the same ward that I fell away from back in 2002. A lot was different. Many new faces filled the pews. As my desire was real attending church I began to feel feelings of love and peace. I began to feel a change within myself. I remember driving home from church and just feeling HAPPY. I just felt JOY. I think it was then that I knew I needed to serve a mission. I never thought it was possible for me because of my past. I never thought I could amount or that I was good enough. At that moment I understood and I knew that I would serve a mission.
My friends, hobbies, relationships all changed as I started preparing for my mission. My life was exciting and meaningful. I no more felt those feelings I did when I was outside the gospel. I felt Purpose and I felt FREE. In April of 2010 right before I received my mission call I was sitting in a pew at the priesthood session with my Father. We all rose as a congregation to sing and as soon as the words came out of my mouth I almost fell to my knees. I felt love, happiness, warmth and a vision of who I wanted to be. I felt the spirit and I knew this is what I wanted for my life. I just knew that God does know me. He does love me. Nothing else mattered at that moment.
At this point in my life I have been on my mission for 15 months. I cannot even begin to explain the things I have experienced or the JOY that I have felt on my mission. I cannot even believe the life that I have come from. But it doesn't matter. All that is behind is in the past. I know who I am now. I know what I deserve. I know that God loves us and I have seen miracles in my life and many others. I am not sure what is ahead but I know I can handle anything with Christ in my life. Christ has changed my life forever. I will never be the same. I know that Jesus Christ is real and we can change our lives through him.

Jesus Christ changed my life.